His reply to me when I told him, “I’m here for you. You know that.”
I then asked him if my telling him how I felt bothered him. He told me that it may be “moving a bit too fast.” Then I told him I felt hurt and that we should talk another time. I haven’t heard from him in 3…almost 4 days.
fml. I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be. I love him, but I’m just not happy. It’s one thing after another I swear. I really don’t even know why I put myself through this. I just wonder if we’re even meant to work.
8 BEST TIPS FOR WEIGHT LOSS BEGINNERS:
- Don’t change all at once. If you go from eating crap and sitting all day to trying to instantly start running 10 miles a day and eating nothing but salad and bananas, you are going to get tired of it and probably fall back into old habits. Change a few things at a time (like cut out all soda and fast food and then ease into more intense workouts).
- Understand it is 90% mental. As a runner, I know that I can run a full marathon, but convincing my mind that I am going to run nonstop for the next 4 hours is surprisingly difficult. Same goes for convincing your mind that you, in fact, don’t need to eat that extra cookie to feel full.
- Make goals, but not time limits. Time goals are hard because weight loss is often so scattered and you will probably end up being extremely stressed the closer and closer a deadline gets. Goal weights/goal measurements are positive motivators but time tends to be more of a stress. Everybody loses weight differently!
- Understand that your boobs will more than likely change sizes. A lot. I personally went from a 36C to 36B to 34B to 34C to 32D and then down to a 32C where I have stayed. When your weight is fluctuating, so do da gurls. Get remeasured every 5-10 pounds and buy new bras accordingly. It completely changes the way your clothes fit (I worked at Victoria’s Secret for 3 years and I can’t stress this enough).
- Find what motivates you and hold onto it for dear life. Losing motivation is the biggest factor for people not losing weight. I don’t care if you find motivation in weighing yourself twice a day, trying to fit into a prom dress, or simply trying to be healthier. You do you girl, but remind yourself daily what you are doing you for.
- Know that it will become a habit! This is seriously the biggest thing. Once you can stick to a clean eating plan and a workout schedule for about a month, it becomes second nature. I don’t even think about bad food. Like the idea of walking into the chips and cookie isle at Safeway doesn’t even cross my mind. The option of not running and going to the gym doesn’t ever go into my brain. It just BECOMES HABIT.
- ENJOY YOURSELF! Don’t be one of the people that is just sitting there in a corner all sad eating a bag of lettuce. Eat healthy food that you actually enjoy eating. Do workouts you actually enjoy doing. You won’t be successful if you are miserable every day you are trying to lose weight. It can be fun, make it so!
- Love your body now. It doesn’t need explaining. You look hot now, you will look hot when you lose weight. You will look hot every day in between. Embrace it. Embrace the Glen Coco. Embrace the fabulous.
School: So I’m a college student. I mean I have been for a few weeks now, but I just thought it was important to mention that. I’m really happy I’m in school again. It’s like with every class I attend and every assignment I turn in, I feel just a little bit closer to my plans! I’m doing pretty well in both my Sociology and Math class. And I’m totally absorbing everything. And I’ve even made a friend in math class. Her name is Stephanie. #Winning #Education. lol. I just can’t wait to hurry up and finish this degree. I think next semester I will take 3 classes instead of just 2 like I am now. I also think I’ll apply for more scholarships next quarter.
Work: So since my last post I’ve gotten a new job. I left Forever 21 after too much drama and bullshit. And now I work for Victoria’s Secret again. Which is cool. It’s a good company to work for overall. And it’s a decent college job. So I can’t complain. The only problem is that I have a co-worker that I don’t really like. I feel like she’s kind of rude and disrespectful. I think I might have to tell her about herself. lol. We’ll see though. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that though. Um, things are good though. I like VS and I’ve been there for a week now :)
Fitness: So since I’m joining the U.S. Army this time next year I’ve been working out here and there. I’m trying to keep up with it, but it’s getting a little harder to get it in since I’ve been busy with work and school. But I go on my days off from work or maybe when I don’t have a lot of homework. I’m still getting it in. Promise! haha. My PT isn’t quite where I want to be just yet, but that’s okay. I’m closer today than I was a few months ago. At the moment I can do 17 push-ups, 36 sit-ups without any help, and I can run 2 miles in 20 minutes. I plan to continue training so that I will be faster and stronger. #ArmyStrong
Love: So, good news: Jon loves me. Bad news: Our communication sucks. That’s like my main problem with our relationship right now. I’m really happy that he told me he loved me when we were texting the other week. I’m just hate that I don’t hear from him as often as I would like to and then when we do talk it’s like we have communication issues. And this really worries me. How are we supposed to do this long distance thing if we hardly talk as it is- and when we do talk, the convo sucks? Like the other night I hadn’t heard from him in maybe 3 days. And then he called me. I was so happy and excited to hear from him because I missed him. Anyways, when we talked it was like he didn’t have much to say. I felt like I was driving most of the conversation. I kept asking him questions so the convo wouldn’t die. And it got to the point that I felt like I was interviewing him. And I don’t like that. I felt like he didn’t really want to talk to me. I thought maybe he only called me because he felt obligated to. One good thing happened though: We established that we’re together. I’m sorta half and half on my feelings about this right now. Because I don’t really feel like he was that ecstatic to be with me. It was just like whatever to him based on his reaction. He was at work though, so I know he couldn’t be all lovey dovey with me, but I really wanted that. Or something…damn. And that’s also a problem. I hadn’t talked to him in like 3 days, and I was trying to express to him how much I missed him. I tried telling him a bunch of cute things that are, of course true. Like how much I missed him and how much I loved him. And he didn’t seem to return my affection. He was just like “okay”. ugh. And on top of that, he even got pissy with me a few times. He said one of his superiors was kind of a jerk to him and that’s why he wasn’t in the best of moods, but I felt a little hurt. Here I am excited just to hear his voice, and all I manage to do is annoy him. And when he got snippy with me I snapped back at him. Which I really don’t even fucking like. I really don’t want to argue with Jon. I love him. And I want peace in our relationship. We ended the conversation with him saying good bye and me saying “I love you”. And then him saying “okay” back. His reasoning for not saying that he loved me back was because he was at work. Which I’m not sure I buy completely. Part of me worries that the “L” word makes him uncomfortable. Oh and I forgot to mention, there was a little talk about how he didn’t want to make our relationship Facebook official because he didn’t want anyone in his business. Truthfully, I’m okay with this for my own personal reasons. I would rather have waited a few weeks anyways before we made it Facebook official, just to make sure things were working before I broadcasted it for all my friends and family to know. But it makes me uncomfortable that he suggested it first. Even though he gave me a legit reason that I even agree with, I just don’t like it. Part of me feels like there are other reasons as to why he doesn’t want to post his relationship status with me on Facebook. I feel like he’s hiding something or he doesn’t want anyone to know about me. At the same time I know I’m probably being super paranoid about it. Because if I had been the one to suggest we wait, I wouldn’t even be writing about it right now. It just bugs me that he doesn’t want to tell people about us. And even though I really don’t want people to ask me a bunch of questions about my relationship with Jon, it bothers me a lot that he doesn’t want to make “Us” public. Anyways, Jon and I are okay I guess. I mean we both love each other and we’re together, so I really shouldn’t have much to complain about. I just really want to talk to him soon because I miss him. It’s been 3 days since the phone call. And I haven’t heard from him since then. I think we really need to discuss whether or not he even wants to be in this relationship because at this point I can’t 100% say yes. I’m like 85% sure he wants to be my boyfriend. Because truthfully, Jon Hebert is not the type of man you can “trap” into a relationship. He does what he thinks is right for him and he follows his gut. So I don’t really think it would be possible for me to force him to make a commitment to being with me if it wasn’t something he wanted. At the same time, even though he’s told me he loves me I just don’t feel it. And I hate that. For now Jon and I are good, but like always, we have a lot to talk about. #FML #WorkInProgress